she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
