You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize