I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
