Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
