I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
