I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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