hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
