I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
