Sry I called you an 8
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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