he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
