saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
