Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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