i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
