youre lurking in front of me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
