Your tits are I can't wait for
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
