I am spending my child support on dildos
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
