Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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