I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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