how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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