Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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