It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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