I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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