mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize