just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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