oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
