Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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