new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
But we have bathrooms and they dont
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
