Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
