...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
