I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
