Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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