She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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