So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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