Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
