Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
