I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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