at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
