Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
