I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
