fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize