I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
