You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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