Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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