You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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