Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
