Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
