her vagina looked like bernie madoff
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
