Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
