The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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