How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
