Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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