so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize