oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
