Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He better not be in your backpack
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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