I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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