Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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