I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
