How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
