You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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