Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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